Balls

Cherub

Confused Im Berlin
I've seen these posters all over the city of Berlin today and remain righteously confused as to their meaning.

Scotland Says: 'We'll Set About Ye'
In the aftermath of Scotland's first terrorist attack, there are many questions unanswered but one very important question has been answered loudly and clearly indeed: Is Scotland a rough gaff? See, in the initial melee after the two alleged terrorists tried to drive the Cherokee (smart car for wrecking in a blue blaze) a few heroes emerged. The public, seeing what was happening, unusually it has to be said, rushed not from the scene, but right fuckin' into it! The ensuing police reports have made the details unclear but it seems that an angry mob swamped the poor, flaming terrorists and gave them a fuckin' good leathering. Imagine, you come out of the sad, burning wreck of what was supposed to be your ticket to Allah's side and martyrdom, and a gang of irate 'sweaty-socks' are intent on a throwdown in which you are the villain of the main bout! They were running around with clothes and skin flaking off them, their hair on fire then they are 'set upon' by the Scottish public as the police are struggling to deal with them.

Anyway, an unlikely hero has emerged: John Smeaton - a Glasgow baggage handler who was having a fag round the corner when the alleged act of terrorism took place. He saw a policeman being attacked by one of the perps and said to himself 'naw naw'. He gave comment to the assembled world's press and his image was beamed around the world telling the people what happened in a tight Weedgie accent. In the intervening few days he's become a bit of a national hero - the news even forced to run a story about his rising popularity last night. Now there even seems to be some question about how welcome all this attention is for JS, his family has apparently issued a statement saying he just wishes to be left alone. Some have also implied that the people behind all of this are making him a figure of fun in some way which I can't see. I think people are genuinely proud of what he and others at the airport did and though there is an element of humour in the site etc, it's all with respect for the man. Many are trying to get the organizers of this weekend's T In The Park - one of he UK's biggest music festivals, to let Smeato on stage but so far their pleas are getting a deafie. An online Paypal has been set up by which people may buy the Smeatonator a pint and it has surpassed a thousand pints with ease. The site set up by an admiring if humorous wag is taking more hits than George Foreman in Zaire.

There were others that helped - like the cabbie who's now more than likely on compensation because he tore a tendon kicking one of the alleged terrorists vigorously in the stones. Sadly, his reward was a 30 quid parking fine and his trainers taken by the CSI team! However, Smeaton was the man who told the world and as such, he's the face of the event for many. I'm quite behind the recreation of Smeaton as a hero for the nation as long as he's into it himself like - I think its not so much that he was one of a few that stood up and jumped to the help of the police, just that he's such an everyman, such a quintessentially Scottish wee gadge, to say nothing of being a likable chap, that every Scot who sees him will take to him. I hope he comes out of seclusion and laps it up - a thousand pints?! I suppose there's the risk he might become a target himself, of some ill-intentioned fundamentalist but I reckon he could look after himself! I've changed my wallpaper to the above anyway and encourage all of you to support the Smeats until further notice.

Further Reading:
National Post article.
The Times