Pity Party
For those of you not in the UK, though I suspect you’ll have heard anyway, there’s a case just now involving a missing girl, Madeline McCann, in Portugal. Her parents – young parents of no meagre means- have a place in the Algarve where they holiday. The worst imaginable thing happened a few weeks ago when the parents left the kids (3 in total) sleeping and went for a meal at a nearby restaurant. Apparently this is the done thing at this resort and the restaurant is so close that its ‘no more of a consideration than leaving the kids upstairs while you’re downstairs’ according to someone in the know.

The case is terrible, the fact that a little girl has been taken is simply awful but a strange thing has happened in the aftermath. The parents have gotten into bed with the tabloids, you see. The reason for this is not clear though I think they just want to get publicity at any cost, so that this little girl’s face will be known in so many places that for anyone to try and keep her will be suicide. Every day just now, however, there is a new level of public profile for the parents – yesterday they announced a public audience with the Pope this coming Wednesday! A huge tasteless and gaudy inflatable billboard has been placed on the beach at Praya De Luz where she went missing, that features the name ‘News Of The World' in lettering at least twice the size of the headline that says something like ‘Find Missing Madeleine’ or whatever. I read an article about how a flurry of web domains have been registered – mostly by people completely unconnected to the McCann family – some of them even mis-spelling the child’s name. Everyone, it seems, wants a piece of the family’s grief and anguish and will do anything to get it. A couterie of rich and famous people with an interest in attaching themselves to such noble philanthropic pageantry have set up a gigantic reward fund. Why can’t they see that in doing so they’re actually setting the morning alarm for ever fucked-up, desperate and plain psychotic bastard all over Europe to wake up and concoct a police-time wasting story? It’s a jamboree of well intended yet poorly aimed pity and compassion in all possible forms.

I can almost understand why the parents are doing what they are doing but I think they are being a little naive about how used they are becoming and how their image has been hijacked by TV and papers alike. The fact that they are on TV practically every day seeming admirably calm and collected alone is really kind of creepy. Their extended family have rallied round and are all working tirelessly for the cause – last night on the news one relative was shown travelling to some meeting or other for the cause. In business class. This whole cause has become like a small industry with multiple levels of management and organization which, again, is really, really admirable but it’s also a little absurd to watch. I have to keep reminding myself of the gravity of the matter at hand – that all this hoopla and t-shirts and yellow ribbons round the trees where I live and TV and radio bombardment is actually about a child who has been abducted and missing for around 3 weeks. I don’t want to sound like an old fuddy-dud but I think I’d appreciate it if the press didn’t seem to be enjoying it all quite as much. The nightly reports from the home of the McCanns are dispensed with something approaching glee – nobody even feigns the newsreader’s serious face any more – it’s all so matter of fact. . Didn’t these affairs used to be conducted with a little more decorum and affording the family a little more dignity? I’ll not be the slightest bit surprised if, within the week, we’re getting specials on Jerry McCann and the wife’s breakfast recipes, for Christ’s sake.


I can’t help but think we should be leaving the detective work to the detectives here. Apart from my obvious displeasure about the pornographic nature of reporting on the case, I have grave misgivings about all this publicity (and it is worldwide) making it very dangerous for anyone to harbour a captive child and making the grim, unthinkable alternative almost imperative. I hope that’s just the way my mind thinks.

The Official Find Madeleine Website

Tiny Dancer
Went to the town of Ayr on Friday night to meet some friends and go see Frankie Boyle, a Scots comic. It was an awesome show - I'd forgotten how confrontational live comedy can be, compared with what you see on TV. Frankie basically takes the piss, in a very dry way, out of just about everything but mostly Scotland. Sample line; (on the coming Olympics) "It's nothing new for Glasgow for in many ways the East end of Glasgow already resembles the Olympic Village, with peoples of many nations who don't speak English wandering about in tracksuits".
The concert was part of an annual celebration of Robert Burns' (our local poet of whom we're all very proud) life and times. On the way back yesterday, there was the annual Mauchline Holy Fair - a festival namechecked by the bard himself.

"I'm going to Mauchline Holy Fair, To spend an hour in daffin: Gin ye'll go there, yon runkled pair, We will get famous laughin"

It was a great day out, as it happened - the tight alleys and closes of the village lined with stalls and hordes of people (mainly overweight and very orange-coloured) enjoying themselves. This little girl is in traditional Scottish highland dance regalia, save the shoes, and had obviously been performing at some stage.

A REAL Rumble In The Jungle
A Brawl In The Safari - Watch more free videos Sir David Attenborough must be fuckin' sick, is all I can say. In decades of nature TV viewing, I have never come close to seeing anything like this. I urge all who watch to stick with it, there's a shock every few minutes in this clip.

Going, Going....
Okay, after talking such a big game about the demolition and my photos, I've not had the time to sit down and work on the images because, as stated previously, the light was rubbish and they need some serious Photoshop help. If you can completely overlook a very rough sky selection process in this image, it gives a decent view from where we were standing. They went down left to right at two second intervals.

The Four Towers I turned forty yesterday. It didn't hurt at all. I spent the first few hours of the day watching four huge cooling towers at a de-comissioned nuclear power plant near my home being demolished. That film was taken about 300 yards from the point we were standing at - a spot we had picked out on Saturday afternoon on a scouting run. After the blast and I got my shots (which will follow) a huge cloud of a very worrying dust descended on us. I advised my companions to cover their noses and mouths with scarves and hats etc. I spent the rest of the day convinced I could feel my skin burning and spitting out an imagined weird taste. Anyway, if I'm gonna go, then now is not such a very bad time. I'm employed, I got a roof over my head, I live in a very pretty place, I'm in love and I'm loved, I'm healthy as a horse and I am, in general, very much alive. I've lived a wide and varied life, met and got close to some fantastic, fascinating people, been to heaps of weird and great places, I have a tight circle of people I'm proud to call friends, even though we are frequently on different continents (such is the way with this life of mine). Yes sir, I'm a blessed man when it comes down to it and, whilst I would not welcome death of radiation poisoning with open arms, exactly, I would sit down and take tea with it before it put the boot in. I'd do so with a calm resignation that, no matter what happens, I have lived. Fuck have I lived?! This guy (my apologies - this guy is a lady)has some awesome shots of the demolition from the side angle - which is where the bulk of the crowd was. The light was patchy as shit - fast moving cloud was filtering/exposing the sun at momentary intervals so getting the shot ready was a real chore. Hope mine are as good as this!

Lake District On Saturday, we took a drive to the Lake District, inspiration for Wordsworth and Beatrix Potter and scene of general loveliness. It's only about an hour's drive from home here. How's the scenery? This is Kirkstone Pass between Ullswater (lake in the distance) and the Bowness / Windermere area.

Eagles
Visited Drumlanrig Castle the other week. It's really near my home - or rather where I grew up. It's quite a well appointed house and very well preserved. Visiting these days is a bit like storming the Bastille, since they lost a very expensive painting by Leonardo DiCaprio or somebody a couple years ago. There are cameras everywhere - when you sign the mandatory guest book, you're actually hamming for a portrait in the secret camera, for example.

There are a lot of things to check out there, including a cycling museum - connected since the Kirkpatrick McMillan (the first bike, essentially) was invented here in Dumfriesshire. The highlight for us was the falconry display though - watching these often gigantic birds of prey soar, dive, swoop, and eat little yellow chickens was awesome. Their chief talent appeared to lie in insubordination mind you - they ran the falconer dude a merry dance indeed - seeming to take great delight in taking the piss! Mind you, it only underlined the fact that the falconry game is based on a complex relationship. The guy is not in charge of the bird, it occurred to me, they are merely friends - with all the on and off days the term entails in any friendship. I like that idea.

I actually live next door (I can see them from my back door but could never hope to hail them - that is what 'neighbour' means here) to Galloway Falconry for almost two years now and have never visited them. I'd love to some day - they're lovely people and this falconry game is fascinating.

Emo Watching
We took a look at an Emo street meeting, or cry-in or mope-off or whatever they call them on Saturday in Glasgow's George Square. This pair fair flew into each other's arms from across the width of the square, and its a big area. They're both boys. the reason I was able to snap it so well is that they stood like that, in silence, for a good five minutes, swaying in the barely perceptible breeze.They're precious. I'd forgotten all about that level of teen self consciousness - it's phenomenally painful to witness. I mean, every town has its portion little pleather trenchcoat wearing, lank-haired greety-faced Goths pretending not to be goths but I'd never been this close and able to observe them in their natural habitat. they're amazing. The girls all act like they're ten or less no matter their true age, and the boys all seem extremely fey and also, chase each other with water pistols etc, pinching the girls to get a chase and whatnot. Suddenly, there were ripples among them - a pack of Neds with a 24-case of Tennents Lager assembled in their midst. The Emo Kids were restless, started acting a bit tougher than they had previously. A few of the Neds were even Skin-Neds. Ooh I felt like David Attenborough. Suddenly, a passing pack of juvenile Dayglo and Orange-Coated Goodtime Girls appeared, seeming to mock the Emo crowd.
Where they aspire to grow up, club it every night, get footie player boyfriends and smoke tons of tabs - the Emo crowd aspire to sit at home playing Ker Plunk, drinking tea, get librarian or art school boyfriends and wait patiently for sweet release through early death. the two groups are not well matched. We only saw about two of the many Emo kids smoking - they all appeared to be good kids from good families, honest, studious types. The Emo boys seem to attract mates from among their number by acting fey as a maypole and watching their hair a lot. The girls, conversely, appear to attract one of these asexual, kind of poofy boys, by acting too twee for school and kissing each other a lot - courting a sort of deeply, badly sexual image to cover up their painfully underage, true measure of sexuality. I was thinking about which group I'd have been hanging with if I was under 18 and among the scene - it's a hard one. Probably the Neds. With the beer. I was never that into the water pistol game.

Finding A Song
TSO has inundated us with sites about music and the internet but not the usual file downloads and reviews - these are top drawer, neverbeforeseen jobs.

SongTapper.com here, if you tap your spacebar along to a song in your heart or on your lips and if its popular enough - Songtapper can find the tune. Our first attempt was the BJ Thomas classic 'Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head" and it was the first match - crackerjack! It's a bit like a game my brother Brian and I used to play in bed as kids - tapping out a song one each other's back. We've found this site to be hilariously less than reliable. In fact, its chief entertainment value is that it gives the most ridiculous matches for the plainest of songs. I gave up when "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow" produced a top match of 'Bulimic' by Used. TSO decided that simplifying was the key and took to nursery rhymes. Yet still, 'Row Row Row Your Boat' came up with a top match of 'Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer'. She was soon trying to get Pharcyde's 'Can't Keep Runnin Away' back from a decidedly dodgy tap. We fancy Rap for not being the strong suit of Songtapper.com. She then discovered that 'Darling Nikki' by Prince returned negative but its lyrics are filthy and we don't blame SongTappper.com. TSO finally posits that she may be "putting too much into it" with her tapping technique.

Midomi - this one is an online Karaoke contest/flirting site. The talents required here are more vocal than digital as you have to use your computer's mic to sing in a tune and see if it comes back a match. The best bit, once again, has nothing to do with the site's stated intention. See, when you sing in your bit, it can go on file so other users can listen to your little bit you've just sung. Users can also set up their home page and put photos, their likes/dislikes etc. alongside their personal renditions of songs. Anyone else who loves that song will, so I imagine, find their way to your rendition and fall utterly in love with you over your vocal prowess and dewy timbre. anyway forget all that and just check out the fuckin clips of other people's singing. Awesome entertainment.

Finally, if you can't find a singer to make you laugh on Midomi, then TSO has the answer for you in Wing, a New Zealand cult heroine, apparently. You must listen to her samples - we were particularly drawn to her AC-DC covers album and The Carpenters one.

Reggie Watts Check this amazing shit out. Good man yourself, Reggie Watts.