Wiki--dy-Wiki-dy Wack Going along with what appears to be a recent fad, I Wikipedia'd my home town. See my results here. Why doncha check out your own and let me know what you come up with.

Firebrand Flying Ace Ditches In Old Neighbourhood Looks like I got out just in time - Pistol, my old mate in Kanazawa reports that a 1930's plane piloted by a firebrand Englishman has had to make an unexpected stop in Kanazawa, my former home in Japan. Not only that, but I see from the pictures that the scene of his undoing - it's pretty close to my old house. The conveniece store in the background is my local Sunkus. He says on his site that he's being helped out by a nearby American resident - probably Rivkin or Bruce. He appears to be having some trouble adapting to the Japanese way - shouting at judges, wondering why he has to apologize etc. Talk about a crash course in the ways of J! The Scotsman has a decent article about it (all the Japanese ones I found were crap).

Holiday Moaning

• "we were lying in faeces and urine, it was absolutely disgusting scots tourist at airport returning from surviving Hurricane Wilma devastation

I've spoke about this before but isn't it amazing when the news shows survivors of natural disasters (in particular but not exclusively) how they are always in tatters at the loss of their wedding pictures and favourite couch? They wail and clutch at suporting arms, gnash and gesticulate and cover their eyes at the absence of their posessions or the state of their formerly pristine front garden. I'm there in front of the news going "you're ALIVE" you sad cunts." Well today the news was about the first UK tourists arriving home at our airports after surviving Hurricane Wilma. And what did they say? "Hallelujah, I'm glad I'm alive?" Did they bollix - they moaned about conditions inside the hurricane evacuation shelters!

• "imagine your worst nightmare and multiply by a hundred and that's what it (the huricane shelter) was like"

Are they having a laugh? Nah man, that's gen up - copied verbatim from tonight's ITV news! There is, in fairness, a great tradition in this country of complaining about your holidays. They used to have this consumer moaning program "That's Life" with the equestrian-toothed Esther Rantzen (and some little decrepit get in a smoking jacket with a glass eye) which would weekly have at least ten stories about holidays in the sun gone awry. Papers even today love a story about a "package holiday hell/horror." Generally these feature two teary eyed pensioners from Troon who have dutifully paid their thirty knicker for ten days full room and board in Torremolinos only to find themselves put up in a whiffy portapotty on a building site, sleeping standing up with only Ryvita and rice to gnaw on. The couple in the next loo are at it all night and the swimming pool is fed by an open sewer. They wouldn't moan, only for its their life savings and their gas bills are higher this winter etc etc We're a nation that loves the wind in its face, I swear to God we are.

Super Swede

• "My idea was to be economically free. I've never been to the Caribbean before, but the pictures look very, very nice."

Sometimes you see a story in the news that just makes you go "awww, bless" and yesterday or the day before it was this one for me. What a lovely, innocent dream and what a heart-wrenching story. I totally identify with people harbouring (no pun etc) dreams like this one, utterly despite reality. Completely against all conventional wisdom, even to the detriment of pesonal health and safety. I call for the formation of a fund to help this old sea dog on his way. Perhaps if there's enough, we can get him some nautical education before he sets out. If I had a bit more sailing nous, I'd go down there and sail with him, it's not like I'm doing anything else!

Self Portrait Today, standing on top of a hill I've not been up since a sponsored walk with the Cubs when I was about 8, I took my own picture and I'm not unhappy with the result. I used to like to joke that I'd only ever seen one picture of myself I was happy with. That's not actually that far from the truth for the period of my life starting from birth up till about two years ago. Lately, I've started to reconcile my inner view of myself with the physical reality of this house of bones I inhabit (which,in places, is not far short of the level of dilapidation evinced in the cottage below). I say "I've started to reconcile myself" because, to date, I've not sprouted a six pack, rockhard pipes and a huge willie, but hey -- you live in hope. Incidentally, if you've any negative comments just keep them to yourself you cheeky bastards!

Corsencon I took a walk to the highest point in this area today - the summit of a hill called Corsencon. Nice views, though the light was far from great. On the way back though, the clouds cracked a few times, sending through some heavenly beams. Both times I was caught on the hop with my camera back in my bag - as you'll note by the results. Did my best in Photoshop but plain dissatisfying was the best I could muster. The other is of an ancient, abandoned farmhouse I spotted from the top andd took a detour to see. It had some eerie touches of habitation even now; small ladders to the sleeping loft, an old-skool "range" in the kitchen - coal fired and with lots of doors and ovens etc, touches of paint still clinging to the few patches of plaster left. Out back there was this huge antique steel roller that had originally been designed to be pulled by horses! In mid England this place would probably go for about 110 - 150k and be done out as a hotel offering a boutique crofting hotel experience.

Stubbies My mate in NZ sent me a link to a clever ad from down those parts. I love culturally -based advertising like that - like a big national in-joke. Especially, I love seeing other countrys' in-jokes and getting to understand them. Anyway, enjoy the ad called "Stubbies" on this page.

Afton Dam At the head of the river Afton, oft immortalized by Robert Burns, there is a dam. It's one of my favourite places in the world and a scene I often think about whilst abroad and wishing I was home. Now I'm home (for good?) and I think I want to go there yet I find myself making excuses not to. The same is true of a few of my favourite places nearby. I'm still thinking about why. This shot was taken there last year.

Akif Hakan Great images here, link courtesy of Elvis, my missed little mate.

The Occidental Tourist What do you think this guy does on his holidays? Make sure to check out all of his southeast Asian tour too. Starts off as a Hard Rock T-shirt collector nerd site and ends up, well, you know... Comprehensive though, I'll give him that.

PM Ramhorn Spotted recently in a field at Drumbuie Farm, Kirkconnel, Scotland - Japanese Prime Minister Hon. Junichiro Koizumi. Purpose; undisclosed but the PM appeared to be in the company of several dozen females and was sporting an apparently self satisfied grin. (lower; a recent file photo of Mr. Koizumi in Japan)

Mennock Moment Today, slipping on my arse coming down a soaking embankment, putting one foot in the water to get an angle, going over the boothead in the water, trying to hold Goretex jacket over camera, water on lens, back getting soaked cos jacket off, attaching wide converter in pissing rain, swears, oh mother! so many, many swears and curses, grouse hollering across the moor to each other "have youse seen the nick o this fuckin clown," snap, fuck, click, BASTARDING Slippy COCKIN' moss, a squelching walk back to the car. I like the colours though - I think this scene just looks, above all else, wet.

Paul Russel Elvis sent me a link to File Magazine where i found enough photo links to satiate my recently unslaked thirst for imagery. Among it I found the inspiring Paul Russel. Magic. Wish I had some focal length man - I reckon the people of this little village would throw up enough weird scenes to make a site. Anyway, the abbove pic really makes me laugh again and again - used without permission but with apologies and great respect.

"The recording of sound, the very idea of home entertainment, radio – all of these things started with Edison’s invention of the phonograph in 1877. And yeah, it’s the same Edison. Boyohboy, the lightbulb AND the record player – never let it be said Ma Edison reared a slacker!"

Needled I did a story a while back about a gramophone museum in Kanazawa. When sparking up my Pismo this morning, I was throwing out some crap to make space and I came across the pictures. They're not spectacular but I like a few of them. I love geting into the details of a place like that - spending a few hours wandering around, looking for little things.

Relief My Pismo came out of transit from Japan sick as a parrot. She would not start no matter what I tried. I replaced her motherboard (okay, logic board in mac terms) - a huge procedure, fraught with pitfalls. And still the lady was not for moving. Thus did I go, cap in hand to a friend in Japan to bid for me on a replacement CPU (like a brain transplant if the logic board was a heart one). The item was dispatched in jigtime and came, but there was a matter of 28 pounds VAT and Parcelforce costs on it before it could be liberated from the vile clutches of the PO.I didn't have it and wasn't sure I would pay it even if I had - VAT? On a gift? Bastards. Anyway, yesterday I could stand it no more and went and took delivery. My Pismo is, today, singing like a canary, and with an improved 500mhz of CPU muscle behind her, why wouldn't she? I'm pretty happy about it. She may be old, she may have been leapfrogged several times technologically, (God, how similar we truly are) but me and her, we're a TEAM.

The North Country Had occasion to take a wee drive to the north last week and took some snaps on the way. I've not actually done much with them cos iPhoto imported them as fuckin jpegs again and they are RAW images (why does it do that, anyone?). Anyway, here are a few samples shot in Glencoe and Glenfinnan. A taste of pure biscuit-tin Scotland for you. You know, if you've not been up there, you should really do it once. Every time I go, it stuns the shit out of me just how breathtaking it is. And in any light too - one of these is shot in the middle of a three day, flooding-level storm and the remaining two, in the bright sunshine that followed it. Gallus!

For people in Glasgow, this is nothing out of the orrdinary but for some reason it really made me giggle last week. See, at about bi-weekly intervals, some wee ned climbs up on top of it (and it's a good 30 feet up) and shoves the obligatory cone on. It then sits there 'till council cleaners can be arsed taking it down. This is about as visible a spot in Glasgow as you can get too, thousands pass it every day. A sort of wee niggly protest of some kind, you imagine.

Saucy Bastards There's a series of ads for that radioactive - red jar-sauce used, by the un - imaginative and time-strapped, to hasten the flow of pasta against gullet and simultaneously dye kitchen utensils a deep burnt ochre forevermore. This particular brand uses a family of Italian muppets in soft lit, red & white tablecloth kitchen scenes and cheesy storylines. Natural, then, that some Scots ned (with the same Blogger template as me, incidentally - as has everyone and his dug, apparently) has taken these ads and run with them, doing voiceovers in a heavy "Weedgie" accent. I question myself for it, but I laughed like a drain at almost every one. Any of you who know and can decipher a Scots accent out there, will doubtless do the same. Magic work, Rainybeetle.

The Amarillo Walk Those of you living outwith the UK might not know who Peter Kay is. He's a little fat comedian who has staged a single handed revolution and revived British comedy with virtually not a swear word. He's from the north of England and has several smash series' under his belt already - indeed a look at his face is almost enough to put a body in stitches. Anyway, for Comic Relief, a few years back, he threw together a video, set to Tony Christie's "Amarillo," a 1971 UK hit for the forgotten crooner. The song was used in a short scene of Kay's series "Max & Paddy's Road To Nowhere," reminding all who saw it of the song's universal appeal. These few circumstances came together and created a monster. You can read the background and watch the actual video (as well as a horde of amateur spinoffs) here at Transbuddha. The thing restarted Christie's career and now he's everywhere over here, he was on Emmerdale Farm a few weeeks back for Christ's sake. He's even back living here after decades in (probably tax) exile. The paper today has a feature about how the first place he cottoned onto the sheer scope of the "Amarillo Walk" was after he got off a flight in Glasgow and looked behind him to see the entire flight he'd got off, doing it down the hall behind him. anyway anyone who knows anything about the history of UK TV or music will recognize more than a few of Kay's running mates - watch closely. And when the beloved midget, Ronnie Corbett, falls onhis arse on the treadmill - it was apparently unintentional but he insisted it be left in.

Mountain Biking I went for a rather hefty ride today, on the forestry "roads" around my hometown here. It was fuckin hard work - I've not done a lick of serious riding in about three months and this mother was about two hours climb right from the get go. They were harvesting trees too, so the roads were pretty chopped up in places, making it a bit of a mudslinger which actually felt good - I've done mainly road riding for too long. But it was alright. It was silent as anything once you got beyond the saws and trucks. Then it got kind of dark and like it wanted to piss down and I wasn't geared for that so I backtracked and cut 'er short, sadly, or, er, luckily maybe.

Ballhunter This is my nephew, Sean, in the grounds of a private golf course, rooting like a hawg for lost balls, and giving me the "tongs." I went for a bike ride with him recently and after we spotted one golfball floating in the river, he was intent on hunting for as many as (I) could carry home. He and his brother are golf mad though neither has been to a golf course or driving range before. Their idea of golf appears to involve battering the living fuck out of second hand balls as hard as possible up and down the local playing fields, in the shadow of the "no golf" signs, and going "fwooah! that wis a great yin."

Yesterday saw the death of Ronnie Barker, a stalwart of the UK comedy scene for decades. Almost anyone my age or about ten years younger, would have grown up with him as a big figure in their TV lives. He was rare in that, for me, he straddled the class border which was (and perhaps is) plainly evident in comedy, and TV here in general. You had your sort of highbrow comedies like Yes Minister and The Good Life and even Terry and June which were all unashamedly above the working to middle class line. Then you had Ronnie Barker doing Porridge and Open All Hours and The Two Ronnies with his regular sidekick Ronnie Corbett who sort of had this old school comedy bit that totally had universal appeal. The tight wordplays they used on the two Ronnies were the epitome of this - just taking words and twisting the laughs out of them like "later on in the show, we'll be meeting a woman who likes Nicholas Parsons and a Parson who likes knickerless women." instant laughs for everyone - they even left you in the dust sometimes and you needed a beat or two to realize how fucking side splitting what he'd just said was. A great man, but lets not get maudlin and remember him for what he was - a laughs man. "The toilets at a local police station have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on." "Next week we'll investigate rumours that the president of the national dairy council has become a mason and goes around giving colleagues a secret milkshake" "The ministry of defence have introduced a new payscale for the army, heavily favouring NCO's. A new recruit said "it's all right for the corporals and sergeants but it's a nasty blow to the privates."" "Next week we'll hear from a man who crossed a tambourine with a submarine and came up with the salvation navy" Magic stuff.

Being On The Broo I’m doing okay with still being unemployed after about a month and half here, it’s not that hard to get used to really – I’m hiking the legs off myself and catching up on a lot of reading, mostly. But people here, man – you should hear them. When they come up to you its like you’ve got the smell of death on you or something – serious! “Nae sign ey any work yet pal naw?” they say in bedside tones with this dreadful, pitying face on them. They might shake their head in sympathy and commiseration or even, in a few cases, flick a hand in a dismissive gesture aimed at employers the country o’er. And I'll tell you - this upbeat approach to unemployment I have, ("Ach well, I'm no' worrying yet, something will turn up eh?") doesn't sit well with them at all. I think they've me down as some kind of fuckin dribbling learning disabled case or a total gold-bricking shirker. We’re a pretty fatalistic lot, we Scots – if, in a 24 hour period, we slip by without a bitter complaint we’re not happy about it, let me tell you. We fuckin’ LOVE to moan and feel belaboured. Unemployment is one of our favourites – a close second perhaps only to our national football team. I swear to fuck our national football team is on a secret stipend to do terribly provided by the labour government in the interests of national morale and countrywide order. “If that team starts doing well or they all get jobs then I warn you, Prime Minister, they’ll get cheerful. And then where’ll we bloody be?”

Flashy Bastard Yugo Nakamura - the king of web design using Flash - have you seen him. The one with waves is my favourite. Why are the Japanese so fucking handy with greyscale and black and white, man? I create anything in mono and it just looks so...... underfunded.

Queer Stuff Sometimes you just gotta go ?